


I'm Glad You're Still Here

by orphan_account



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-10-13 13:54:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10515096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Maru and Sebastian bond over their messed-up childhoods.





	

When Sebastian woke up it was already dark outside. Taking frequent depression naps during the winter meant that he ended up seeing very little daylight. He stumbled out of bed and put on a pair of jeans and a hoodie over his pajamas. His bedroom was dimly lit by a string of purple, star-shaped lights taped to his bed's wooden headboard. His bedroom was mostly tidy. He liked to keep things organized, but a pile of clothing and a dirty cup collection had slowly grown. He checked his phone to see what time it was. It was two in the morning. There were unread messages from Sam and Abigail, probably asking him to come hang out. Too late for that now. He'd reply when it was daytime probably, unless he went back to sleep again.

  
Anyways, he didn't want to have to deal with them when he got like this. He liked Sam and Abigail. They were nice. He just still felt like he couldn't really trust them. Fuck, he still felt like he couldn't really trust anyone. He needed some water, something to eat, try and stay calm, go back to sleep. _It's fine._ He walked down the hall to the kitchen. He didn't turn on the light. He didn't want anyone waking up and being sympathetic. He didn't want his mom asking if he was okay in her "concerned mom" voice. It just made him uncomfortable. He stiffened when he walked into the kitchen. Maru was sitting on the floor crying softly. A broken bowl and milk and cereal was on the floor in front of her. The only light was from the open refrigerator. He wanted to silently back out of the kitchen, hide in his room, and pretend like he'd never seen this. He'd never seen Maru cry before. He was scared but... He felt worried about her.

  
"Maru," he said, gently.

  
She startled, and looked behind her.

  
"Shit. Shit," she said. "I'm sorry."

  
"I'm sorry," Sebastian said. "I didn't mean to scare you."

  
He got out paper towels and started cleaning up the broken bowl and spilled cereal. Maru didn't move. It seemed like she couldn't move right now. She was still crying. Sebastian finished cleaning up.

  
"I'm going to make some oatmeal," he said. "You want some?"

  
Maru nodded. She had stopped crying now and was rocking side-to-side. Sebastian made the quick oatmeal and put lots of brown sugar and butter in it. Maru was still sitting on the floor, so he put her oatmeal beside her.

  
"Thank you," she said. "And thanks for not acting like I'm weird or scary..."

  
"No problem," Sebastian said.

  
He took his bowl of oatmeal and stood up to leave.

  
"You can stay if you want," Maru said.

  
Sebastian hesitated. He did feel slightly comforted by being with Maru for some reason. He didn't feel anxious like he usually did, probably because he'd just seen her crying over spilled cereal. She seemed, well, less likely to judge him for being a fucked-up, depressed loner.

  
"Sure," he said.

  
He sat beside her on the kitchen floor, and they ate oatmeal together.

  
"Sorry if it's weird to say, but this is nice," she said. "We hardly ever see each other..."

  
He felt embarrassed, and slightly angry. It felt like she was just pointing out what was wrong with him

  
"Yeah, you're always doing something important and I'm always in my room," he said.

  
"I'm sorry," she said. "I get like... hyper-focused on things and I lose track of time. I forget to eat and sleep and then I end up crying over cereal because I don't know how to be a person. And just... I wish I could have friends but I'm so bad at being a person. I feel like a fucking science robot or something."

  
Sebastian didn't know what to say. He'd always been a bit of jealous of Maru. He'd always thought of Maru as perfect, as everything that he couldn't be, but apparently that wasn't true. Maybe he'd misjudged her. Maybe she didn't actually hate him. It was early in the morning and everything was weird. He might as well try and talk to her.

  
"I'm shit at being friends with people too," he said.

  
"But you hang out with Sam and Abigail," she said.

  
"You hang out with Penny," he replied.

  
She smiled.

  
"Yeah, that's true," she said. "I just, I don't know... I feel like I'm different somehow. Like I can't connect even if I try. Sorry, that probably sounds silly."

  
"No, I understand," he said. "Sorry, I need to go out and smoke. But I- I want to keep talking to you. We've lived in the same house for like five years but I don't think we've ever really talked to each other."

  
"I feel the same way," she said. "But I don't think I've slept in three days. Maybe we can hang out tomorrow night or something?"

  
"Cool," he said. "See ya."

  
"See ya," she replied, and went down the hall to her room.

  
~

  
It was a few days after Sebastian had come across Maru crying and he felt like shit. He'd just woken up from a nightmare and everything sucked. He'd fallen behind in his programming work. The only thing he could do was sleep and dissociate and watch anime. He hadn't seen Maru again. She probably did hate him, just like he thought she did. Just like everyone else hated him. He'd been blatantly ignoring texts from Abigail and Sam, not even bothering to read them. It was his own fault that everyone hated him. He was rude and boring and a jerk and disgusting and- The thoughts just went on and on. _Weak. Sick. Worthless. Broken. Fake._ He was shaking and felt like he was going to cry and he hated himself. He took the small blade from the box under his bed. He dragged the blade across his skin and tiny pearls of blood welled up from the light cuts. He felt nauseous and threw up over the side of his bed. It was only bile. _Weak. Over-dramatic. Attention seeking._

  
His bedroom door opened.

  
"What the fuck," Sebastian whispered.

  
Maru was standing in the doorway.

  
"What the fuck," Sebastian said again, louder. "Don't just come in my room whenever."

  
"I'm sorry," Maru said. "I'm sorry. I just... I had a bad dream and I remembered I wanted to talk to you. I'm sorry."

  
"Yeah? Me too," Sebastian said. "You might as well come in now."

  
"You sure?" Maru asked.

  
"Yeah," said Sebastian. "Its half my fault for forgetting to lock the door."

  
Maru came inside and shut the door behind her. Sebastian got out of bed and sat on the floor. Maru sat beside him.

  
"Are you okay?" Maru asked.

  
"Yeah, I'm great," Sebastian said.

  
"Oh... that's good," Maru replied.

  
She looked confused.

  
"I'm sorry," Sebastian said. "I was being sarcastic."

  
Maru nodded.

  
"Yeah, I thought maybe you were but I'm not so good at understanding sarcasm," she said. "Sorry."

  
"No problem," he replied. "You here to talk about how fucked-up we are?"

  
"Yeah, I was thinking we could have sibling bonding time," she said, and laughed.

  
"What was your nightmare about?" he asked.

  
She shook her head.

  
"I kind of don't really remember," she said. "I was just so scared... It reminded me of when I didn't live in Stardew Valley, when I used to go to school. It was awful. It might come as a surprise to you but I suck at going to school. I had awful grades, almost failed every class. And no one would be friends with me. The students bullied me really bad and even some of the teachers would make fun of me. Because I'm autistic I guess. They said it was because I'm difficult and weird and scary. For some reason, I couldn't bring myself to tell my parents about what was happening. I guess because I felt like it was my fault. They ended up finding out when I tried to kill myself. They took me out of school and were so supportive and comforting. But I still remember."

  
"Thats awful," Sebastian said. "I'm sorry."

  
"I- I actually have felt sometimes that you avoid me because I'm autistic..." said Maru.

  
"No, of course not. Being autistic is good, its part of who you are and I like who you are. I avoid you because I'm a jerk who doesn't know how to talk to people. And because I was jealous of you I guess..." he said.

  
"Jealous of me? Why?" Maru asked.

  
"You've gotten to be around my mom a lot. Well, she's your mom too. But my dad divorced her when I was three years old and she got almost no custody of me because of... well... It's probably better if she tells you things like that herself, if she wants you to know. And then she goes and marries your dad right away and has you. I hardly ever saw her, until she was able to get full custody of me when I was fifteen."

  
"Did you want to come live with your mom?" she asked.

  
"Absolutely. It saved my life. Living with my dad and step-mom was hell. They were really shitty."

  
Sebastian was shaking.

  
"Want some cereal?" Maru asked.

  
He nodded.

  
"I'm really glad your my brother," she said. "I'm glad you're here."

  
"Thanks," he replied. "I- I'm glad your my sister."

  
Maru smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> i feel like maru and sebastian are both the kind to talk about trauma and be like "lol. that sure was fucked up." also i head-canon maru as autistic


End file.
